Last night I was thinking about the two questions that really have helped me:
“how does it feel?”
“how do you want to feel?”
Both questions seem like they may be working against each other, but actually do not work.
The first one allows for honest reflection and acceptance.
And the second one gives some autonomy. I think we do have some power over what we feel (not complete power). But I think that we can “practice” noticing the feelings we want to feel, and through this practice of observation it seems as though we feel that thing more.