curious& rooted& peaceful

I’m coming back to the feelings I chose at the beginning of this holiday season. These were words that I wanted to nurture and grow within in the space of this often stressful time. What do they mean in this moment?

peaceful: i think when i first chose this word, i wanted it to encompass the entirety of my life. now, in the middle of december i’m realizing that it can simply co-exist. i’m content to find pockets of peace, even if much else feels chaotic.

curious: the opposite of curiosity is judgement. which feels like a default headspace when there is a lot of noise. judgement is hard lines and black and white. while curiosity is softness and openness, but along with that– ambiguity, which can be difficult to sit with when there is pressure. i’m finding that the more *space* i give myself, the easier i can fall into a curious and soft mindset.

rooted: i’ve been thinking about this metaphor a lot (it is cliche, so bear with), but roots! they grow when searching for water. they grow because of a need. because of a deficit. and in turn–make the whole plant a little more stable. when i’ve noticed a lack, or a need in my life it often feels like the i’m floating-on-a-raft-in-the-middle-of-the-ocean-lost. very lost, incredibly confused. and all of the tumult that comes with that. to be looking for something (an answer, a story to reframe your past, a vision for your future, a way to live now, idk) can feel very overwhelming. but i’m trying to remember that, it is these moments of upheaval and shifts that are my metaphorical-roots stretching deep underground simultaneously searching for what I need, and grounding me.