ambiguous endings

Something I’m learning about myself is that I really really hate ambiguous endings. I mean, I used to do them all the time: I ghosted people… Irish exits were my favorite kind of exits. But now, the thought of leaving people I’ll never see again without a proper farewell (even though said proper farewells are so awkward… “good luck with…your life?”) makes me very squirmy.

I avoid them at all costs.

In fact, when people have given me ambiguous endings in the past I usually don’t accept them. I’ll call them up and try to schedule a parting that is more satisfactory to me. (okay these probably never go as well I want, idk why I keep doing them..) But I think, life is ambiguous enough, why make it more so by simply letting things fade out?

And if I don’t get the closing salute that I want? I usually write a letter detailing the person’s part in my life. Sometimes I send it, sometimes I don’t. But it gives me some feeling of control over something I have no control over.

Sometimes I wonder if we were conditioned to be this way? Or if it is some type of innate fear-avoidance? Is it all the stories/movies/books we’ve consumed that have hard endings? Or is it connected to our survival?