It is just like in every arena of my life I’ve been so concerned/consumed about human-ing correctly. Like the guidebook I was given was all wrong, so I had to burn it and instead just learn from watching people. Like, oh, his leg is shaking when he is sitting too, so it must be okay. Or, they’re curious about this subject too, so I guess maybe that is okay. I don’t know, these examples are just the beginning. But almost every thing about my life I’ve had to receive permission for from the people around me. Oh they’re angry about this, I guess I’m allowed to be angry about it. Why do I need permission to be human?

And if I’m granting myself “permission” on how to be based directly off the people around me, am I really granting myself permission to be my own whole individual, or just a mirage of all the other humans? Is this really a way to live? Or simply another way to hide?

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