reassurance

It is very easy for me to compare my work to others… especially its reception. I do this while looking through the lens of scarcity. They have more than I have, therefore I have less and need more. But what do I need more of? More reassurance that my work is valid? (I often perceive reassurance as coming from numbers… the more people that listen to my work translates to how good I will feel about it.) But even if that were true (it isn’t really), feelings of reassurance rarely last longer than 24 hours, no matter what sort of recognition I’ve received. So eventually I’ll be back at the place of “needing more.”

There’s no way that I’ve found to silence this hedonic-treadmill-like-feeling, but there is a way to make it quieter: process. Regardless of what happens to the songs/music/words I write I know that tomorrow I will again be creating. That is the only real thing I have power over.



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