I’ve been thinking about how I choose the “easier” option that often makes me feel most unhappy– and then revel in venting about it. For instance, grad school. I knew going into it that higher education is a struggle for me because of how the system is set up. I do very well in classes, but it is incredibly frustrating. I do not think that I am getting the education I want. I know that I am not getting the education I want. I feel my curiosity, often, being smashed as I exhaustedly churn out what is expected of me. So, half of my energy is doing the work that deflates me, and the other half is spent critiquing the way in which higher education is failing an entire generation of learners.
Grad school is not easy, but I think that, perhaps, it is the easier choice. I can blame any “failure” on the system. Or I can blame it on my lack of investment in the system. Critiquing a system is easier than the vulnerability of making my own way within the music industry.